Ramadan Day 10

Things I'm still noticing about fasting: there are specific times of day I can expect my energy to dip and my mood to become more irritable. People sometimes respond to not realizing you're fasting in an ominously similar way to how they respond to messing up pronouns (i.e. apologetic to a point that you feel a little awkward and unclear if you're now expected to reassure them). I want hot tea more than anything, it is 100% a comfort tool above all else and not having access to it is admittedly difficult. Doing this alone makes it sometimes feel hard to be excited about food. I think about Gaza all the time and somehow more than when I was thinking about Gaza all the time 2 weeks ago.

I realized today that people will misunderstand me when I tell them I'm fasting for Ramadan and will make assumptions that are almost guaranteed to be incorrect. I was thinking about that and trying to figure out why it bothers me when being mistaken as Muslim objectively does not bother me, it's honestly a compliment, I admire the faith of my Muslim pals. I noticed 2 things come up. I worry that in their misunderstanding (usually white) people will (mis)understand a piece of Islam through my practice (which is not an accurate understanding of Islam) and I don't wish to further those misconceptions. And, being misunderstood is something that upsets me on an almost cellular level, I more generally struggle to deal with it.

I got a copy of a Zine that includes a poem I wrote which is super exciting because I've never been in a Zine before. I'm really quite proud, it was compiled by the wonderful @kali.kambo on instagram or MythicalType on Etsy and on her blog.

Ramadan 11

Going to a demonstration and sharing an iftar meal with 3 peers all in one day? Wowie. Feeling really tired and really fortunate to be here. I made a veggie galette (which I've never done!) and it turned out wonderfully as well as some Yemeni honeycomb bread for dessert. I'm really quite proud of myself for cooking so much from scratch. It's also reminded me that pie crusts aren't difficult to make, I just don't like making them because I don't like recipes that require chilled dough. But I can easily make a pie for a future event. It's really really nice to share a meal with people. I don't have the social battery to do it all the time, but as a treat it's awesome.

In my tiredness I admittedly almost forgot to report here but the habit is growing because I remembered right as I was about to go to sleep. Yay for doing things I care about and have committed to. Not going to post photos of the food I made here because Palestinians have asked that we don't share iftar spreads and this feels too close to that. Instead here is the song that my brain is currently latched on. I have enormous feelings about its inaccuracies when compared to the book and also about its portrayal of Odysseus who I Do Not Like Even a Little, He's Just a Colonizer (I would insert a joke about "in this essay I will" but I did legitimately write an essay on this). Still, it's extremely catchy and I am building a vision in my head where it aligns better with my read of the Odyssey.

open.spotify.com/track/5w4DNXyuAZhUO4y3erBg9G