Ramadan Day 12

Had a strong start today working on a photography project followed by getting very little else done. Really struggled today to adapt to the need to get things done pre 2 PM so that I wouldn't have to juggle feeling hungry, dwindling energy levels, and doing work. Alas. I'll have to try again tomorrow. Unsurprisingly my rep voted in favor of continuing to withhold UNRWA funding so that got added to my call lineup. Had to express my disgust (though never surprise at this freaking point) and warn my senators not to follow suit. Still dealing with interpersonal tension that I now have a better grasp on how to approach but am very afraid to attempt approaching.

Have been thinking about this poem today that my friend sent me overnight. It really landed especially with what I'm feeling this week. Hoping that with some time and care I'll start feeling akin to this again.

Ramadan Day 13

Made a really big (for me) shift today: I have changed from fasting sunrise to sunset to dawn to sunset, which to my understanding is more in alignment with accurate fasting and prayer times. Using a prayer app to keep track of that timing. Surprisingly, I didn't feel much hungrier doing that than I usually do, despite it being a longer fast by about 2 hours. What I struggled with the most was being up in time (dawn here is at about 5:30 AM when I have been used to waking up at 6:30-7). It was tough to get any food in that early in the day especially having not slept well or enough in the hours leading up to it. We'll see how tomorrow goes, I don't regret the shift. Hoping I can eventually get up at 5 and stay up so that I can use those morning hours of max energy to their fullest.  With the poor sleep and morning nausea from trying to eat before 5:30 for the first time in ages, I was very tired today. It's hard to explain the sensation to friends who are not in it. Yes, I feel hungry and low on energy and in desire of comfort. But beyond that, especially when my interpersonal emotional needs are not getting met, that emotion is much more tiring to hold without the benefit of basic comforts. Which seems obvious when spelled out. Of course it's more and more challenging to self-regulate and cope when you are not meeting other needs you are used to having met. Still no regrets on my end, this feels like an important practice in this season of my life.

In other news, I am trying to start vegetable and herb seeds. I've yet to be successful at that in the past, but I like having something to tend to when the weather eventually shifts. Worst case scenario, I will have to do some plant shopping in the early spring, but here's to hoping. Trying to grow tomatoes, beans, basil, and chives.

No picture today but I can leave you with what I think is a stunning image: in my DND session, my character (a half orc barbarian named Livlaf Love who wears a big hoop skirt and has a heavy southern accent) gave a sugar cube to an npc ally who is definitely in a cult and rolled a nat 20 persuasion check when telling him that he deserves simple pleasures in life that the cult is denying him. Which managed to crack the facade of the cult info his brain is full of and now he is beginning to question his place in the cult. And yes she does carry around a big pouch of sugar cubes and yes I do in fact track the number I have left because I find it fun to play with the finite resource even though the DM was willing to give me infinite sugar cubes for ease.